I’ve always wondered about consistency.
So I looked it up in a dictionary (aka Google).
con·sist·en·cy
/kənˈsistənsē/
noun
conformity in the application of something, typically that which is necessary for the sake of logic, accuracy, or fairness.
"the grading system is to be streamlined to ensure greater consistency"
the achievement of a level of performance that does not vary greatly in quality over time.
"his principal problem in tennis has been consistency"
the way in which a substance, typically a liquid, holds together; thickness or viscosity.
And I wondered when it became a weapon of choice, both for myself and others.
When did this word that seems so simple and plain in nature become so powerful? So all knowing.
When did it become something to feel shameful about not having/harnessing/investing in?
Consistency is a wonderful thing. It leads to practices which lead to changes that can support us for the better. For my loved ones who have chosen sobriety, consistency is a brave choice. Consistency is the difference between life and death.
But the way I seem to use consistency seems constrictive and heavy. I can consistently brush my teeth, but there will be a night where I don’t. I promise that.
I can consistently be there for friends and family, but there will be a moment I can’t. I promise that.
And I can consistently write newsletters to people I care deeply about connecting with. But weeks go by and I go along with them.
And my consistency haunts me in tired hours of the night.
Consistency in Being vs. Doing
When I sit back and think of the ways consistency feels expansive and supportive, I notice it’s never in my doing. I am never consistently moving, sitting down, signing off, creating, connecting or disconnecting. I am never consistently thinking about work, thinking about others, thinking about myself. I am never consistently being a mom, being a daughter or a friend or a co-worker. The computer turns off, our sweet babe goes to sleep, and I’m back to consistently being me.
I am consistently asking questions, both to myself and the world around me. I am consistently staying calm and consistently losing my temper (depending on the time of day and how much sleep I’ve had and the world around me that I keep questioning). I am consistently interested in other people and how they are and where they are and what they’re feeling.
But really, even the consistencies — my ways of being — ebb and flow.
Much like the only constant is change, is the only consistent thing inconsistency?
I’d like to think the answer is yes.
But I’ll probably question it again tomorrow.
Anyway, it’s nice to be back.
Updates
I started a new, full-time job a week ago from today. It’s wonderful, I love it. It’s challenging and I feel terrified sometimes. I’ll share more after getting a bit more footing.
I’m fully in edits for Dwell, which is due to release April 18th, 2023. See the second and third sentence from the previous bullet point.
The podcast I talked about starting months ago amidst other things are still in the works, but internally for now. If I’ve learned anything in the last two years, it’s not to let my ego get in the way of putting things on the shelf in order to have space to live my life.
Gratitudes
My birthday was this past weekend — I am so grateful for each and every one of you. Thank you for supporting and loving me as a human, for all the years and in all the ways. Birthdays always have a way of highlighting that stroke of luck and I feel like the luckiest girl alive.
The sun and the wind in the trees. The way it fills the studio with dappled light. Spring gives way to such great writing fodder.
An outlet and people to connect to when the world feels heavy.
Question of the Week
Because I am genuinely curious…what is your relationship with consistency?
And a little reminder…this space is safe from judgement or dogmatic thinking (with kindness at the forefront). Any and all answers/differing opinions/ways of life are welcomed here, always.
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